Are you settling for what you currently have in your life? Are you scared to rock the boat or make a change that may involve some risk? In today’s blog, I’ll share a real-life example of a client who has transitioned through major life changes and reinvented herself in just one year.
The idea of making a change can be so terrifying that we frequently sacrifice our own happiness or compromise our own values to avoid the discomfort. For some, change will not happen until the pain of remaining the same becomes greater than the discomfort of stretching to experience something new.
July is Cultivate Your Character Month – a great time to stretch yourself out of your comfort zone in ways that will help you to honor your values and priorities and follow your dreams.
Something About Mary
As a Life Architect, I love helping my clients create blueprints for the life they want and choose. I started coaching Mary (not her real name) in early 2018. She was a professional who felt discouraged with her career, stressed out by all the clutter in her life, discontent with some family relationships, frustrated with the many miles between herself and her aging parents, and unhappy with her own self-care.
Mary was feeling stuck, frustrated and restless. She was tired of procrastinating on taking needed action steps to improve her life, and she was ready to make a change. But she felt overwhelmed and did not know where and how to begin. She contacted me for help.
Here are a few things that Mary and I did together to get her unstuck and moving toward the changes she wanted to make in her life:
- We began our work together by identifying what was most important to her.
- Mary completed a RAM Dump exercise, which helped her identify what to do with all the sticky notes on her brain.
- She learned a weekly planning process that helped her overcome procrastination and take action on things that were important to her, beginning with her own self-care.
- Mary learned how to face her FEAR (Fantasized Experiences Appearing Real) head-on, which helped her transition from where she was to where she wanted to be in her life.
- Mary dealt with the clutter in her life by implementing a system for sorting, purging, and storing things so she could find anything she needed in 5 seconds or less.
- Mary started using a system for managing paper and information so she could remember important follow-up and easily find anything she filed away.
- Mary learned strategies for saying NO to requests of her time that were not a priority for her.
- Mary learned to ask for what she wanted…and she got it!
Ask for What You Want
After nearly two decades working for the same employer, Mary decided to apply for a job across the country, which was much closer to where her aging parents live.
Although Mary had some very specific ideas about what her perfect job would look like, her first thought was that she needed to scale back on what she would ask for from her wish list. I reminded her that the worst thing a potential employer could say to her would be NO, but if you don’t ask, you don’t get. She asked for what she wanted, and she was offered the job with nearly everything she asked for!
Mary has been working in her new job for a year now, and she is so happy. We recently talked about the many wonderful changes she has made in her life, and I congratulated her for having the courage to make such a big move and to ask for what she wanted.
If You’re Unhappy…
If you’re unhappy with your work, MAKE A CAREER CHANGE. Life is too short to spend so many of your waking hours doing something that does not bring you joy. If you don’t enjoy the work or you’re tolerating a toxic work environment, make a change. For a deeper dive on this topic, read my blog Feeling Stuck? Make a Shift That Brings You Joy!
Please note that this is different than the old adage to “Do what you love and the money will follow.” Author Cal Newport debunks that myth in his book, So Good They Can’t Ignore You. Newport reminds us that deliberate practice is the key to finding and doing what you love. That means stretching yourself…not just doing what is easy or getting better at what you are already good at. That means trying new things — the things you know you can’t yet do — even when it’s hard or uncomfortable.
If you’re unhappy with the people you surround yourself with, LEAVE. Sometimes it’ difficult to completely cut someone out of your life — especially blood relatives — AND you get to choose how much time you spend with those who have a bad influence on you or who do not support your values and priorities. For those who drag you down, limit your time with them. Set some ground rules and leave the room when someone violates a firm boundary of yours. For more on this topic, read my blog Reclaim Your Power.
If you’re unhappy with your love life, MAKE CHANGES OR END IT. Romantic relationships — just like any other vital connections you have – are supposed to grow and flourish with you. They’re supposed to lift you up rather than pull you down. If your partner brings you heartache and creates and toxic environment, either get help to make needed changes, or end the relationship. Your romantic relationship is intended to raise you to your greatest heights and encourage you to be your best.
If you’re unhappy with where you live, MOVE. If you were meant to stay in one place, you’d grow roots instead of feet. Don’t allow your comfort zone to hold you back from taking some risks and stretching yourself into uncertain territory. Remember that great things are found and experienced outside of your comfort zone.
If you’re unhappy with your life, CHOOSE A DIFFERENT PATH.
If you feel strong discontentment, press the pause button, reassess your situation, and redirect your life based on your priorities and values. Life is too short to waste time, effort and money on something you don’t enjoy. The longer you stay on a path of discontentment, the more you will learn to settle for mediocrity. Whatever path you’re on right now, you can choose a different path if you’re unhappy.
If you’re unhappy with how you see life, SHIFT YOUR PERSPECTIVE. View your life through a different lens. For more help with this, read my blog The Power of Mindfulness.
When you can’t control what’s happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what’s happening
Instead of focusing on things you DON’T want or can’t change, focus on what you DO want and have influence and control over. Here’s an interesting sequence of how things work:
Words produce Thoughts.
Thoughts produce Feelings.
Feelings produce Decisions.
Decisions produce Actions.
Actions produce Habits.
Habits create Character.
Character determines your Destiny.
If you’re ready to get unstuck and make a shift that helps you align your vision, priorities, and actions — like my client Mary did — let’s schedule a no-cost, no-pressure Discovery Call today. I’ll help you map out ways to get from where you are to where you want to be.
Additional Resources
- Blog: Feeling Stuck? Make a Shift That Brings You Joy!
- Blog: Finding Your Purpose
- Blog: Create What You Want
- Blog: The NOT To-Do List
- Blog: Is Fear Running Your Life?
- Blog: Make a Positive Mental Shift
- Blog: Capturing that Elusive Thing Called TIME
- Blog: Is Your Autopilot Set to Get You Where You Want to Go?
- Guide: Cultivating Happiness: Living Life on Your Terms
- Guide: Find Your Strengths & Choose Your Success
- Guide: Living With Purpose
- Guide: Dealing with Procrastination
- Webinar: Managing Priorities
- Webinar: Buried in Paper
- Webinar: Find Anything in 5 Seconds or Less
