A client once shared with me that, despite her successful career, she was feeling stuck in her present job. Although she no longer felt fulfilled by her work, her executive salary and the benefits kept her tied to the job. She told me that before she could make any career moves, she needed to “have it all figured out.”
Here’s the good news! You don’t have to have it all figured out in order to take a next step.
If your self-esteem is determined by something that can be taken away from you — such as wealth, success, popularity or fame – your ego is built on a very shaky foundation that could crumble at any time. Make the decision today to create a healthy self-esteem, rooted in being true to who you were created to be. Nobody can take that from you.
This week is Take Charge of Change Week – a great time to explore how your career aligns with your own values, priorities, and passions—to determine if change is in order for you.
Are you playing it safe?
Some people are so busy “getting by” that they completely lose sight of their dreams, passions, and goals. They feel stuck doing something they don’t enjoy and find fulfilling. 
Even when present circumstances are unpleasant, sticking with the known feels like the “safe” choice. However, our desire to feel safe can hamper our ability to exercise free will. From childhood on, most of us have been programmed to “play it safe,” and this often affects the career choices we make as adults.
Although most of us will never have to experience being locked behind bars, some have created a self-imposed prison made up of imaginary walls that are named “should,” “gotta,” “have to,” and “can’t.” An estimated 80 percent of the population forfeits their freedom of choice through their own thought processes.
When I hear someone using this victim language, I often ask them, “Do you have to or do you choose to?”
There are very few things in life that we have to do. Yet some of us forfeit our ability to choose by convincing ourselves that our options in life are extremely limited.
I know about this from personal experience. For 13 years I stayed in a stressful career that I did not find fulfilling. Not only was I unhappy, but the quality of my time with family suffered, as well. The more time I invested in that career path, the less at choice I felt. At one point I took an exam to receive a special certification in my field. When I passed the exam and was certified, I felt like there was no turning back! I told myself, “I can’t leave this field now…look how much I’ve invested in getting to where I am!” And besides, I had no idea what else I could possibly do.
Fear held me back, until one day the pain of not making a change outweighed the fear of the unknown. In the midst of experiencing all of this pain, I was laid off and that forced me to think about my choices. I felt like a baby bird being pushed out of the nest …and I learned to fly! Within a couple of years of leaving my previous career path, I started my own business. I’ve never looked back with a single regret.
Do What You Love
I am astounded by how many people live for the weekends because they dislike their work so much. If you can relate to this, imagine how it would feel to have the kind of work that you were so passionate about that you 
woke up before your alarm went off each morning and couldn’t wait to begin your workday!
Once you acknowledge that you have a job you dread, it’s time to begin taking action to make some changes. Life is too precious to spend so many hours of your day doing something you don’t enjoy.
Some of my clients have reported that they feel stuck in a great-paying career that no longer brings them joy, but they’ve built their lifestyle around the income they currently draw. Making a career change to do what they’d rather be doing would require them to make drastic lifestyle changes they’re not willing to make. If you relate to this situation, I encourage you to get as creative as possible so you can either incorporate your passions into your present work or find ways to build more joy and passion into other parts of your life.
I’ll share an example…
Time for Clowning Around
Several years ago, a client (I’ll call her Connie) was working in a very stressful job as a pediatric nurse. Although she loved her patients, she dreaded going to work because her co-workers were so toxic to work with. In one of her coaching sessions, Connie mentioned that on her days off, she loved doing volunteer work as a clown. She lived for those moments because they brought her such joy. With a little encouragement, Connie decided to explore the possibility of incorporating her life’s passion — clowning — into her professional work.
Since the hospital Connie worked for had no interest in making any changes to her job description, she submitted a proposal to another local hospital, complete with research findings on the healing power of laughter.
The hospital across town got excited about Connie’s ideas, created her ideal job description, and hired her for the job. Her new job included dressing as a clown for a couple hours each day. Connie loved being able to provide the healing power of laughter to some of the children she cared for. Not only did this completely transform how she felt about her work, but it also helped the patients to heal more rapidly.
By honoring her passion and incorporating it into her work, Connie was able to make a huge shift that enabled her to fall back in love with the work she was trained to do.
How can you incorporate what you love into your work, either in your present situation or by creating a new opportunity?
A Deeper Dive
Does your current career path support your values, priorities and passions?
As you explore this question, here are six tips to help you dive deeper.
What do you want and what’s your “why”? Once you identify what you want, it’s important to also identify the compelling “why” behind it. That’s what will carry you through the tough times when you feel like quitting.
- Focus on what you WANT, not on what you DON’T WANT. Whatever you focus on, that’s what you’ll get more of! In order to focus on what you want, you must be willing and able to let go of thoughts that keep you focused on what you don’t want. To support you in doing this, limit input from negative people in your life and limit what you read, see and hear in the news, since most of it is negative.
Your language or self-talk is a very important part of this process. When you stop saying ‘but’ and replace it with ‘and’, you’re ready to shift your focus.
Here’s an example:
“I hate my job, BUT I don’t have time to look for a new one.”
OR…
“I hate my job, AND I’m carving out small pockets of time to explore ways to put my passion into action.”
- Identify the destructive voice in your head, which leads to unpleasant emotions or mental habits that stop you.
This usually shows up as guilt, negative self-talk, perfectionism, or focusing on what other people think. Remember that what other people think of you is none of your business…it’s theirs! You cannot manage someone else’s thoughts; you CAN manage your own.
If other people say or do something that upsets you, let go of the feeling (anger, frustration, hurt, etc.) that you associate with what they say or do. It’s not what they say or do — but rather what you think about what they say or do — that causes you emotional pain. You are the only one who can control what you think.
- If you are consumed by fear, keep a Worry Log—
a place to write down all of your worries and fears with a date next to each entry — and then let go of them. Check back monthly to see what percentage of your worries and fears actually came true from your entry 30 days ago. After doing this reality check for a period of weeks or months, you’ll be able to spend less energy and thought on your worries and fears, because you’ll realize that most of them never came true. When you worry, it changes nothing but your state of mind. This practice will help you put worry in its place and let it go of it.
- Remember that the past and the future don’t exist, and yet how often do you
allow that to rule your life in the present? Rather than trying to get TO somewhere or get FROM somewhere, commit to living your life in the present moment. The past cannot be changed, and the future can only be affected by what you do in the present.
- Focus on solutions rather than problems. The brain cannot focus on identifying solutions when it is focused on the problem since it can only focus on one thing at a time. The book: Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard, by Chip and Dan Heath, mentions a concept from Solutions Focused Brief Therapy dating back to the 1980s, called “the miracle question.” This technique has applications for everyone, because all of us have problems or challenges in our lives – something that we wish were different than it is right now.
With this technique, one focuses on solutions rather than problems. Here’s a quote from the book that describes how it works: “Suppose that you go to bed tonight and sleep well. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, while you are sleeping, a miracle happens and all of the concerns that you’re facing right now are resolved. When you wake up in the morning, what is the first small sign you’d see that would make you think, ‘Well, something must have happened — the concerns are gone!’?”The emphasis here is in the “first small sign,” not on the solution itself. The “miracle question” reminds us that people suffer when they put their attention on what they don’t want. This technique provides a way to get you focused on what you do want.
What is a “first small sign” of progress you will find when you focus your attention on what you want?
If you’re ready to get unstuck and make a shift that helps you align your vision, priorities, and actions—let’s schedule a no-cost, no-pressure Discovery Call today.
Additional Resources
Blog: Power in Your Purpose
Blog: Create What You Want
Blog: Opening New Doors
Blog: How to Achieve the Success You Want
Blog: Freedom to Choose
Guide: Cultivating Happiness: Living Life on Your Terms
Guide: Find Your Strengths & Choose Your Success
Guide: Living With Purpose
