In 2003 our family had the privilege of hosting an exchange student from Ukraine. Olha participated in the FLEX (Future Leaders Exchange) Program, which offered competitive scholarships that were fully funded by the U.S. State Department. This program brought gifted high school students from former U.S.S.R. countries to spend an academic year in the United States, living with a family and attending an American high school.
Olha attended high school with our daughter. They formed a wonderful friendship and sisterhood, and she became like a daughter to me and my husband. The following year, our family visited Ukraine and stayed with Olha and her family in Poltava.
The recent unprovoked attacks on the peaceful nation of Ukraine have caused so much unfathomable suffering. The daily news of war breaks my heart and has triggered some vengeful thoughts about what to do with Russia’s narcissistic, greedy, cold-blooded dictator, who is intent on murdering hundreds of thousands of neighbors while impoverishing the citizens of his own country in order to remain in power.
Coach Cheryl Richardson recently shared a post that I’ve found helpful as I sort through my emotions about this senseless war:
It takes mental toughness to resist the seductive urge to jump into the center of a raging storm. Vengeful thoughts offer us the tempting illusion of control. Yet it’s always a wise choice to stay calm.
I often keep in mind something Michael Singer wrote in his book, Untethered Soul: “No solution can possibly exist while you’re lost in the energy of a problem.”
As we exit one storm, the pandemic, and enter another, the war in Ukraine, it’s so important to protect our energy so we can be a force for good in our individual worlds. Pray, yes. Donate to causes that help, of course. But most important, do what it takes to be the message you want to elevate – a calm, safe port in a storm.
Cheryl’s post reminded me of the importance of connecting with my core purpose. Here’s my Purpose Statement, which I wrote while going through coach training in 1997: I am a divine messenger of peace, compassionately infusing balance and harmony.
Today is March Forth Day (March 4th). I’ll share five powerful tips that have helped me to shift away from focusing on vengeful thoughts, while marching forth in peace, balance and harmony in our hurting world.
Event + Response = Outcome (E+R=O)
My mentor, Jack Canfield, taught me the powerful equation above. If our current world Events have you feeling angry, fearful, helpless, or distracted, it’s time for you to choose a different Response to these events. Doing so will create a different Outcome for you, and often for others whose lives you touch. Below are some ideas to help you shift your Response to triggering events.
- If you’re feeling angry, do some emotional management work, such as practicing mindfulness.
- If you’re feeling anxious or fearful, begin a gratitude practice. Regardless of present life circumstances, being grateful for all of our life experiences –the good and the bad–is life-changing. If this concept does not make sense to you, click on the link above and keep reading. I hope the examples will help you understand the power behind practicing a daily discipline of gratitude.
- If you’re feeling helpless, then do something to help others. Donate to charity, or volunteer your time to a meaningful cause. More about that below. My blog, Feeling Stuck, may help you make the shift to what brings you joy.
- If you’re feeling distracted or upset, take a break from reading or listening to the news and do something that brings you joy. Remember that you’re not helping others by running yourself physically and emotionally ragged! As Mother Teresa once said, “To keep the lamp burning, you have to keep putting oil in it.” Taking care of yourself enables you to be available to assist others. Managing your emotions is a key part of this.
- Most important of all, seek out the companionship of positive, purpose-driven individuals. Jim Rohn once said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” If you find yourself surrounded by negative, low-energy people who pull you down rather than lifting you up, reconsider who you’re allowing into your inner circle of influence. When we spend time with other good-hearted people who are working to create a better world, there is nothing we can’t accomplish together.
How You Can Help
There is a critical and urgent need to help Ukrainian refugees get food, shelter, clothing, and medical assistance. Over one million people (2% of the Ukrainian population) have fled violence this past week to enter neighboring countries, creating one of the largest and fastest-growing humanitarian crises the continent has ever seen. Several countries are welcoming them with open arms and incredible hospitality. Many of the refugees have had to travel on foot for over 60 hours to reach the borders, only to face miles of long lines for entry to the makeshift refugee camps that have been assembled at the borders. So many have escaped Putin’s violence with only the few belongings they could carry. All this is happening in a part of the world where winter has made the conditions dangerously cold.
What can we do to help? We can pray for a peaceful resolution. I believe in the power of collective prayer. We can urge our decision-makers to do whatever is in their power to facilitate the end of these atrocities against a peaceful country that has done nothing to provoke this war. And we can support the humanitarian efforts that several organizations are undertaking to assist refugees, as well as those who are remaining in their homes and are suffering from the this unconscionable atrocity against humanity. Below are four such organizations:
- Americares is preparing to deliver medicine, medical supplies, and emergency funding to help families access essential health care services.
- The International Rescue Committee is working to rush critical aid to displaced families.
- World Central Kitchen, headed by chef and humanitarian José Andrés, is in Poland to provide meals for the many refugees pouring into the country.
- The International Fund for Animal Welfare has had a presence in Ukraine since 2014. Staff has remained in place and have continued to care for their animals.
The Ukrainian people have made great sacrifices, resisting brutal aggression to fight for their freedom and the values of democracy. I’ve found comfort in remining myself of their resilience, determination, resourcefulness, courage, tenacity, endurance, pride, and passion for their country. These are qualities we observed during our family visit there in 2004, and these same qualities still exist today and are carrying their nation through the most trying time of their lives.
As for our Ukrainian daughter and sister, Olha, she has been living and working in Kyiv and recently fled the city to find a safer place. She is worried that supplies will run out soon, as the grocery stores and pharmacies are nearly empty. She also worries about the safety of her parents and her younger brother, who has a nine-month-old daughter.
I don’t even pretend to know the best response to Putin’s unprovoked war of aggression. I’ve appreciated reading two differing viewpoints on this topic. The first, Stay Calm, is an article written by Tom Nichols, a contributing writer at The Atlantic and the author of its newsletter Peacefield. The second is a Twitter thread by Garry Kasparov, chairman of the Human Rights Foundation. I encourage you to read both of these viewpoints to understand the complexity of the decision-making process that our government and other NATO countries must consider.
Now is the time to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with the people of Ukraine as they resist tyranny in the name of freedom. Our collective support and prayers will make a difference.
A month after returning from Ukraine in 2004, I published a blog about our experiences. Click here to read it.
Support Offer from Kathy
In our fast-paced world, too often we give priority to everything and everyone but ourselves. Ultimately, giving too much of ourselves takes a toll. This past two years have required a lot of extra effort from so many of us. Now it’s time to devote some attention to caring for YOU. You deserve it!
I have blocked out some time dedicated to providing free phone coaching to those who seek support in finding greater balance in your life as you work your way back into a “new normal” in your home, family life, and work. It’s on my heart to provide high virtual-touch support to those who reach out for it, with no strings attached. Together we can create a productive and meaningful blueprint for your life moving forward. To learn about my work as a certified coach, click here. Then let’s schedule a time to connect.
Additional Resources:
- Blog: The Power of Mindfulness
- Blog: The Discipline of Gratitude
- Ebook: My Gratitude Journal
- Blog: Feeling Stuck
- Blog: Manage Your Emotions
- Blog: Balance Your Life – Relationships
- Ebook: Living with Purpose
- Coloring Pages (free): Reduce Stress & Increase Joy: 19 Inspirational Coloring Pages
- Coloring Pages (free): Relaxing Designs: Mandala Coloring Book with 24 Designs
- Ebook: Banish Stress from Your Life: Your Guide to Living More Peacefully
