In Life Management, Managing Priorities, Relationship Building

When you look in the mirror, do you like what you see? Are you happy with your life?  Do the thoughts that you think on a regular basis support your dreams? Do you feel supported by the people you spend time with? You can reclaim your power by making choices that will support your priorities, goals and intentions by limiting the time you spend with toxic people and choosing to surround yourself with those who support your heart’s desires.

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” 

-Jim Rohn

Who are the five people you spend the most time with in your life? Go ahead…write down their names.

Whether intentional or not, these five people have formed a “Mastermind Team” that provides constant feedback and influence over you. Some of that may not be the kind of feedback or influence that you would consciously choose to have in your life … but the reality is, these five people do have significant influence over how you think and feel about all areas of your life. Those thoughts and feelings affect the actions that you take or don’t take.

The number one reason for your success or failure is directly related to who these people are. If you don’t like what you’re seeing, it’s time to disassociate from the negative influences in your life and let go of toxic relationships…or at least minimize the amount of time you spend with toxic people.

You may be saying to yourself, “That’s a family member! I can’t cut them out of my life! Disassociation means removing them from the area of your life that they are negatively influencing. You don’t have to stop loving that person. You’re simply deciding to no longer allow them to hijack your dreams.

Negative Influences in Your Life

I remember watching one of those “extreme weight loss” shows, featuring a twin brother and sister. They had grown up together dealing with significant weight challenges, and both seemed to reinforce poor diet and lifestyle choices for the other. They had remained stuck in their unhealthy patterns well into their adult lives. When they began their work together on the show, their trainer soon realized that they were a negative influence on each other when it came to making healthy choices.  Although they had never been separated before, the trainer asked them to not have any contact with each other for three months. During the time they were apart, both were able to form new healthy habits and achieve their goals.

Despite their good intentions, sometimes the people closest to us are the ones who are stealing our dreams.

When you set the emergency brake on your car and you forget to take it off, you find that it’s hard to drive the car. Once you see the emergency brake light illuminated on your dashboard, you disable the brake and you can easily drive again. 

Who in your life is acting like an emergency brake, causing unnecessary resistance when you put your life in “drive” mode?  It’s only a matter of time before your “dream” engine will burn out under the resistance.

Create and Enforce Healthy Boundaries

A friend of mine used to go home for Thanksgiving dinner, and each year his mother would be critical of him at the dinner table. As a result, he dreaded going home for Thanksgiving. One year when his mother invited him for dinner, he accepted her invitation on one condition. He told her that he would no longer tolerate being criticized by her at the dinner table. When he showed up for Thanksgiving dinner, his mother started with her critical remarks. He got up from the table and left the house. Several years passed before he accepted his mother’s invitation to Thanksgiving dinner. When he finally returned, she never criticized him again when he came for Thanksgiving dinner.

My friend still loved his mother. He simply made a decision to create some healthy boundaries in his life.  When she crossed a boundary, he chose to remove himself from the negative and toxic environment she had created.

Unfortunately, most people will not set and enforce these necessary boundaries in order to live a more productive and fulfilling life. They give those closest to them a “free pass” to trample all over their dreams and create an environment that is not supportive. Most will continue to allow the naysayers to influence them negatively. I have watched several people with huge dreams and tremendous potential lose everything because they were not willing to cut that negative and toxic person from their life or limit their influence and contact with them.

Think of at least one person in your life and how they negatively influence you.

Plan for An Intentional Future

Now, look ahead five years and consider how your life will be if you don’t make some adjustments now. If you are not prepared to completely discontinue a toxic relationship, at least set up some ground rules that certain discussion topics, habits, or activities are off limits. If the other person chooses not to honor your firm boundaries, then they are the one choosing not to be in relationship with you.

Who are you allowing to steal your dreams?  What would be possible in your life if you set some healthy boundaries? Check out my guide for additional tips on ways to manage toxic relationships in your life.

If you’d like a fresh perspective — someone to help you design the life you want by aligning your vision, priorities, and actions — let’s schedule a no-cost, no-pressure Discovery Call today.  Together we’ll explore ways you can honor your heart’s desires and open new doors to possibilities.

Please comment below with a next step you will take to set a healthy boundary that will eliminate or minimize toxic behavior in your life.

Check out these additional resources:

Life Architect – Creating Blueprints for Purposeful & Productive Lives

Kathy@OrgCoach.net www.OrgCoach.net Follow me on Facebook
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Showing 3 comments
  • Miguel
    Reply

    Kathy,
    You bring a tremendous amount of value with these blogs. Thank you. As I grow into older wisdom, I just don’t have time for negative people in my life. However, sometimes it’s unavoidable. Thanks, my friend. You have always had a warm spot in my heart. Like attracts like 👍😍
    Miguel

    • Kathy Paauw
      Reply

      Thank you, Miguel. I’ve become more discerning about who I allow into my inner circle, and it makes a big difference in the quality of my life. Wishing you the very best, my friend!

  • Mimi
    Reply

    This is such a powerful blog! Creating boundaries is life changing. Suddenly, toxic people learn the meaning of being nice.

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