Is Fear Running Your Life?

Is fear running your life? The most common fears include flying, heights, the dark, spiders, and public speaking. But there’s one seldom-mentioned fear that plays a major role in many people’s lives, and it may be severely crippling you right now.

It’s fear of the unknown.

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself – nameless, unreasoning, unjustified, terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.“

– Franklin D. Roosevelt, Inaugural Address (1933)

Today marks the 17th anniversary of the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center and two other coordinated terrorist efforts that took place on the morning of Tuesday, September 11, 2001. More than 3,000 children lost a parent on that day. In a world that continues to be plagued by terror, this group of adolescents and young adults has some great wisdom to share about managing fear and learning to cope with terrorism and other disasters, while also keeping things in perspective. We can learn lessons from their wisdom and apply it to all aspects of life.

September is Self-Improvement Month – a great time to examine your conscious thoughts and choose how you typically react in any given situation.

You learned at a very early age that if you acted a certain way, you would achieve a certain result. Often the result we opt for is safety. And safety is necessary to preserve our physical well-being. However, our desire to be “safe” sometimes paralyzes our ability to exercise our free will.

From childhood on, most of us have been programmed to “play it safe” when we aren’t guaranteed the outcome we desire, and this often affects the choices we make as adults. We tell ourselves, “That outcome was so disappointing before, so I better not take that chance again.”

How much risk are you willing to take?

Do you allow your fear of hurt, loss, rejection, or failure to determine how much risk you’re willing to take? What’s the cost of doing this? Perhaps you’re stuck in a job or career path you hate, you’re in a toxic relationship, or you’ve chosen not to pursue something you want.

Do you struggle with low self-esteem and self-confidence? If so, you’re probably severely hampering your ability to manifest what you want in your life by convincing yourself that you shouldn’t try, or that you don’t deserve what you really want. Our choices are strongly influenced by our disempowering emotions. By learning to recognize and step out of experiencing these emotions, a whole new world of possibility will be available to you.

I know this from personal experience. In my 20s and 30s, I chose to spend 13 years in a career that I did not find fulfilling. The more time I invested in that career path, the less at choice I felt. At one point I took an exam to receive a special certification in my field. When I passed the exam and was certified, I felt like there was no turning back! I told myself, “I can’t leave this field now…look how much I’ve invested in it!” And besides, I had no idea what else I could possibly do.

Fear held me back, until one day the pain of not making a change outweighed the fear of the unknown.

When my clients focus on their values – what’s most important to them at the core — they are more at choice and less at effect. They recognize that they have the freedom to choose based on their own values, versus being influenced by limiting beliefs, circumstances, or the opinions of others.

Overcoming Fear

Fear is such a powerful emotion, and it stops many people from taking the action necessary to follow their heart’s desires. The bigger the goal, the greater the fear and the more likely you are to resist making decisions or taking the necessary action to advance something that’s important to you.

Fear is totally natural, and sometimes it keeps us safe when we are in true danger. But sometimes it paralyzes us from moving forward when there is no real danger present.  So where does it come from? Quite simply, fear is created by our own thoughts, our desire to protect our fragile ego, and our vivid imagination.

We scare ourselves by thinking that negative things are going to happen in the future. But just because we imagine these things, it doesn’t mean they’ll actually happen, or that they’ll be as painful or as dangerous as we imagine them to be.

FEAR is an acronym for Fantasized Experiences Appearing Real — the “what if“ that we imagine might happen — not necessarily what will happen.

Here’s a great coaching exercise I’ve used to help clients work beyond fear so they can take action. It’s called Walking the Plank.

1. Ask yourself, “What’s the worst thing that could happen if I did_____ (an action you are scared to take)? If that happens, then what? And then what?“ Play this all the way out until there are no more possible actions you could take.

2. Then ask yourself, “In the unlikely event that the worst-case scenario actually happened, could I live with it?” Would it really be as awful as you imagined?

By simply playing it out in your mind, you dilute the power of the fear that has been controlling your decision-making and your ability to move forward.

For more insights about how to overcome fear, read Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, by Susan Jeffers. The author teaches us how to stop negative thinking patterns and reeducate our minds to think more positively. In her book, she shows us how to risk a little every day, how to turn every decision into a “No-Lose” situation, and much more.

Good News!

Since your thoughts provide the source of your fears, you have the power to overcome them by choosing different thoughts. Instead of allowing yourself to imagine a worst-case scenario – and becoming a victim of fear — consciously think positive thoughts and visualize the best-case scenario instead.

We’ve all heard the saying, “Perception is reality.” Your perception of your reality is what creates your reality. The key to changing your reality is to shift what aspects of an event or experience you choose to focus on. Here’s an interesting two-part perception exercise that exemplifies the power of shifting your focus:

1. Tell someone about a life experience you’ve had, emphasizing all the scary or terrible things that went wrong.
2. Now tell the same story as an uplifting experience, focusing on all the positive aspects of that same experience and the things you are grateful for.

The actual facts do not change, but what you choose to focus on when you tell the story makes a huge difference in how you feel about the circumstances you just described.

One of the best ways to loosen the grip that fear has on your life is to think about what you’re grateful for. Take a look at those around you. What do they bring to your life that you are most grateful for? How has your life been enriched? What are the gifts you have brought to others? Take time to be grateful for all of it.

Change your thoughts…change your outcomes!

While fear is natural, it doesn’t have to consume your life and stop you from achieving success.

The key is to consciously minimize your fears and replace them with positive thoughts. Next time you notice that you’re experiencing a fear-producing thought, replace it with a positive thought. You are the one creating your FEAR – your Fantasized Experiences Appearing Real — and you alone have the power to eliminate fear by choosing to focus on positive thoughts instead.

“We become what we think about all day long.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

If your habits are not producing the results you want, it’s time to change the message you send yourself. Set aside five minutes each morning to fill your mind with the truth of who you are.

You decide what you want your world to look like by choosing how you speak to yourself and others. How much you enjoy life will be determined by what you say to yourself. Your messages to yourself can breathe life or smother it.

Letting go of fear includes overcoming past hurts and brokenness and becoming whole. This begins with accepting that you have choices and you are not a victim.

No matter what someone else said or did to you, your response is entirely up to you. You can either be bitter, or you can forgive. The first choice enslaves you and the second choice liberates you.

You need both the good times and the tough times in order to learn and grow. How you respond to tough situations is in your control, and your response will determine your misery or your joy.

In Jack Canfield’s book, The Success Principles, principle #1 is to take 100 percent responsibility for your life. He teaches this powerful equation:

E + R = O
Event + Response = Outcome

When you change your thoughts, you change how you feel. When you change how you feel, it changes how you act (your response). When you change how you act, you will experience different outcomes or results.

Changing your thoughts alone will not change your life. Empowering thoughts, combined with the right consistent actions, will create the results you desire.

Take Action!

If you want to grow as a person, you’ll need to be prepared to “FEEL the fear and DO it anyway.” Interview any successful person and you’ll find that they’ve pushed through fear and discomfort to seize opportunities by taking action.

When you take action, not only do additional resources appear in your life, but you get feedback that helps you adjust your course of action and refine your approach. There is no such thing as failure…only feedback. Taking action is the one thing that separates successful people from everyone else who is just getting by.

One of the great joys of being a coach is that I get to journey with my clients as they create the work and play they are most passionate about. When your passion, talents and skills intersect, there is no limit to what’s possible for you!

Three action steps you can take today:

1. Identify something you are fearful about that has been paralyzing you from moving forward. Do the Walking the Plank exercise, and determine if you could live with that outcome, in the unlikely event that the worst-case scenario played out.
2. Identify a situation you are worried about or fearful of, and do the perception exercise outlined above.
3. If you’d like to explore the possibility of working with me as your coach, let’s schedule a no-cost, no-pressure  Discovery Call today. If I am not the right fit for you, I’ll offer some recommendations to get you connected with the right coach or other resources.

Additional Resources:

Blog: Balance Your Life: Environment 1 (Memetic)
Blog: Power in Your Purpose
Blog: The Key to Living the Life You Want
Blog: Create What You Want
Guide: Creating New Habits
Guide: Living with Purpose

---