"What we think, we become."
-Buddha
September is Self-Improvement Month, so I’ve been pondering this question: What is the greatest barrier to self-improvement?
I
believe our greatest barrier is usually our self-talk. We can be
our own greatest enemy!
We’ve
all heard the phrase, “You are what you eat.” The same
principle applies to your thoughts. You are what you think you
are. I recently came across a cute story that exemplifies this
beautifully:
TINY FROGS
There
once was a bunch of tiny frogs ... who arranged a running competition.
The goal was to reach the top of a very high tower. A big crowd had
gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants...
The
race began... No one in the crowd really believed that the tiny frogs
would reach the top of the tower. You heard statements such as: "Oh,
WAY too difficult!!" "They will NEVER make it to the
top." The tiny frogs began collapsing. The crowd continued to
yell, "It is too difficult!!! No one will make it!" More
tiny frogs got tired and gave up... ...But ONE continued higher and
higher and higher... This one wouldn't give up! He was the only
one who reached the top! All of the other tiny frogs naturally wanted
to know how this one frog managed to do it? A contestant asked the
tiny frog how he had found the strength to succeed and reach the goal?
It
turned out that the winner was DEAF!!!!
The
wisdom of this story:
- Never
listen to other people's tendencies to be negative or pessimistic. They
take your most wonderful dreams and wishes away from you -- the
ones you have in your heart!
- Always
think of the power words have. Everything you hear and read will
affect your actions!
- BE
POSITIVE! And above all, be DEAF when people tell you that
you cannot fulfill your dreams! Always think: I can do
this!
- Author Unknown
As
I was writing this article, a friend forwarded a newsletter from the
Center for Spiritual Living (CSL), and part of it ties in with this
topic. The article says, "If you are feeling hurt you are allowing
yourself to be hurt by other people’s unskilled behavior. Very
few people choose to be mean, or even thoughtless. Many have so much
going on in their own mind they don't realize in the moment how they
are coming across, and most likely later they may feel as unskilled
as you have at times like these. Doesn't this call for a great deal
of empathy and compassion for everyone concerned?" Begin the process
of healing your own sensitivity to others’ comments and opinions
of you by reframing it. It's not what someone else says that matters
- it's what you THINK about what they say.
Here's
an example of a reframe:
I am open to the feedback and comments of others. I will not judge
them as being hurtful. Instead I will judge them as providing loving
feedback for my growth and development. If my wisdom directs me to
know that any particular feedback is not true, I can just let it slip
off me like dew on a petal. I do not need to claim it or make it my
own, or even be adversely affected by unhelpful feedback.
"Thought is action in rehearsal."
-Anonymous
Which came first?
Your habits, or your belief that those habits are just part of who you are? Does it really matter which came first? The fact is that habits are…well…habitual!
Coaches
often talk about the Gremlin.
He is the narrator in your head. He tells you who you are, and he defines
and interprets your every experience. He wants you to feel bad, and
he pursues this loathsome task by means of sophisticated maneuvers:
just when you feel you've out-argued or overcome him, he changes his
disguise and his strategy. He's the sticky sort -- grapple with him
and you become more enmeshed. What he hates is simply being noticed.
That's the first step to his taming.
One
way to change what the Gremlin has to say (beliefs you hold about yourself)
is by changing your habits. Do you have a habit that confirms a belief
about yourself? Is that habit serving you well -- or is it confirming
a belief about yourself that you wish was different?
Actions
speak louder than words. By choosing and committing to a new habit,
you will eventually change your belief about yourself as you create
proof based on your actions. That belief will make it easier for your
new habit to become a permanent habit. The new habit will be who you
are rather than whom you aspire to be.
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is a habit."
-Socrates
Here
is a four-step approach. Try using it to change one habit that will
support you in being who you want to be or in doing what you want to
do:
Ideal
Picture: Define a vision for what you want to create.
You are not changing a habit for the sake of change itself, but rather
because doing so will get you closer to achieving or having something
you desire.
Inventory:
Conduct an assessment of where you are today. What’s
working well, what needs improvement, and what’s getting in the
way of your progress? We offer a number of wonderful assessments on
our Learning Tools page.
Blueprint: Construct the approach to making your vision a reality. Think in terms of improving 1% a day…something very attainable!
Accountability: Clarify your intentions and take action. Form a plan for staying on track. Keep a written record of your progress.
Here’s
an example of how this four-step process works:
Ideal
Picture: I want to be a healthier person. (Get specific
about what this looks like, as defined by your vision.)
Inventory/Assessment: I am 20 pounds overweight. My cardio and pulmonary capacity are reduced
enough that I am limited in the activities I can comfortably participate
in. My blood pressure and cholesterol are slightly elevated. Heart disease
runs in my family.
Blueprint:
Incorporate exercise as part of my daily routine. I will get off the
bus or subway one stop before I usually do and walk the rest of the
way to my destination. When I drive, I will park farther away from the
building to create extra opportunity to walk. I will take stairs instead
of the elevator at work.
Accountability:
Hire a coach to hold me accountable and keep me on track
as I work through forming these new important habits. Keep track in
writing on my chart.
Within 21 days – if you really commit to and persist with your new
habit -- I guarantee that you will have a new perspective and belief about
who you are. Then you can move on to choosing the next habit that you
want to develop and strengthen.
Imagine what it would be like if you were to create an environment --
personally and professionally -- that supports your priorities and values.
Have you put structures in place (carving out time, using the right tools,
setting up supportive systems, etc.) to support your ideal picture?
On a flight to Australia
last month, I found this cartoon (by Matt Golding) and article (by Sarah Marinos) in the Qantas Airways in-flight magazine…
Forget
gym memberships and parking spaces – corporate high-flyers
are now demanding a LIFE COACH as part of their salary package.
Excerpts
from an article written by Sarah Marinos…
You’ve
got a personal assistant to steer you through the million-and-one
tasks you have to do at the office. You’ve got a personal
trainer to help you keep fit. Ah, but do you have a life coach?
A
growing number of savvy executives in the USA and UK are negotiating
a life coach as part of the salary package. They believe a weekly
or fortnightly session with someone who can enhance their professional
performance is just as important as an attractive salary, company
car, gym membership or private pension plan. Now, life coaching
is also becoming big business in Australia. Some major companies
are recognizing that people perform better when they feel supported,
and are offering coaching to senior staff.
Some
businesses are realizing that to attract high-caliber employees
they have to offer strong support networks. The best graduates
now leave university and ask, “Why should I work for you?”
They’re not just interested in the salary. They see work-life
balance as important and they want to know how an employer will
help them achieve that balance.
Many
busy execs get caught on the treadmill. They rush from project
to project, and from boardroom meeting to briefing without stepping
back to appraise their performance or to tune in to staff morale – a dangerous oversight. If you don’t find
out how you are perceived at all levels, you will probably continue
to do something that is driving everyone else on your team crazy.
Find out what other people define as your strengths and weaknesses
and build on that information to improve your performance, as
well as your workplace relationships.
While
boosting job performance is important, achieving in the workplace
goes hand in hand with a healthy body, a healthy diet and healthy
personal relationships. How many busy people don’t take
time out for lunch? They eat takeaway [Australian word for take-out]
at their desk and don’t even find time to go for a 20-minute
walk every day. They are mentally and physically drained, and
get to the point of burnout.
A
life coach is also an objective and confidential sounding board,
a tool for off-loading worries. Executives in senior positions
may be reluctant to discuss their concerns with people within
the organization for fear of being seen as struggling to cope.
“A
lot of busy people are overwhelmed with information and ideas,
and need someone to help them focus and get mentally organized.
A coach gives honest feedback, helping the client define their
goals. Once those goals are identified, they are broken down into
achievable steps,” says David Rock, founder of Results Coaching
Systems in Sydney. Rock emphasizes that you don’t have to
be in hot water at work to benefit from coaching. Athletes who’ve
achieved Olympic gold or broken world records often continue to
work with a life coach to hone their performance.
In
sport, having a life coach is seen as a mark of being serious
about what you do. It’s exactly the same in business.
Life coaches are used by people who are already successful and
who want to be more successful. A life coach will stretch, challenge
and help you be the best you can be.
Click
here
to read an excellent article about coaching
provided by the Pendaflex Learning Center.
|
²
Tune in to National Public Radio...
Kathy was interviewed by NPR on the topic Organizing Your Desk, which aired Wednesday, September 22 on Steve Pomeranz's "On the Money" radio program.
Click here for the link to the program description.
Click here for the link to the audio stream of the interview.
.
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