Some of my clients dread the holiday season because it often represents stress, pressure, expectations, guilt, disappointment, pain, loneliness, exhaustion ... and the list goes on. 

This is a choice. We choose who we spend time with. We choose what activities we say yes and no to. We choose where we go. Your holiday season can be as simple or as elaborate as you choose to make it, and it can be a lot of fun if you plan accordingly.

Take some time this week to think about what's most important to you this season, and then do a little planning. Below you'll find some suggestions to help.

1. Create a list of holiday rituals that are important to you.

Take some time before the holiday season really gets going to think about what's most important, and then do a little planning so you can make choices that honor your desires and preferences.

Of course, because we are all different, what one family member wants may not be the same as what another family member wants. That’s why it’s so important to seek your family's input on holiday activities. Ask family members what they liked and disliked about past holidays. Write down the most important elements and activities you wish to include this year, and plan to make it happen.

Keeping up with time-consuming and irrelevant rituals -- those “just because we've always done it that way" traditions -- can increase stress. Some of these rituals have been passed down from generation to generation, and when family members have a discussion about likes and dislikes, they often discover that they’ve been following a tradition that nobody likes. Repeat only those rituals that have meaning to your family, or create some new ones. 

Give yourself permission to be in the moment and enjoy the smells, sounds, feel, and tastes that are unique to this season of the year. 

2. Make a list of those you want to spend time with during the holidays.

Who nourishes you? Who are the family members, friends, and colleagues you enjoy being with? 

Who brings you down? Maybe this is not the year to get together with them!

Do you want to do any entertaining? If so, when? Who do you want to get together with?

Are you invited to holiday gatherings that you really don't want to go to, but you've gone in the past because you should? Be at choice -- don't play the victim or the martyr! This is not about whom you should see, but rather whom you choose to spend time with. Either choose not to go, or, if you have your reasons for showing up, make the best of it, set your boundaries and be firm about them.

I know a man who dreaded going to Thanksgiving each year at his mother’s house, because she always took that opportunity to be critical of him. One year he made the decision to call his mother ahead of time and let her know that he would be there, AND that he was no longer willing to sit through another Thanksgiving dinner if she chose to be critical of him. That Thanksgiving, she started in on her critical jabs.  Without yelling, lecturing or making a scene, he simply got up and left. She later apologized, and ever since then, she has honored his boundaries. Subsequent Thanksgiving dinners have been much more pleasant!

3. Send holiday greeting cards with ease.

I have found a great service that enables me to send a real card in the mail for about a dollar, including postage, without leaving the comfort of my home.  I have been using this service for several years now and I can vouch for the quality of their greeting cards.  With a simple click of your computer mouse, you can select from several hundred holiday cards, write a message (using your own handwriting font and signature) and send a printed greeting card. The company will print it, stuff it, stamp it (with a real stamp), and send it in the mail for you. 

I get a great response from people who receive my cards. They love the pictures of our family on the cover of the card. My family’s message inside is full of humor and is NOT the typical boring annual update. (If you want to see a sample, email and ask me for a copy of the text. Many people tell us it’s their favorite holiday card every year!) I love how easy it is to send our cards out. I remember the old days when we’d have to address each envelope, put the return address sticker and a stamp on them, sign each card, then lick the envelope shut. Back then, we made a photocopy of a holiday letter, which we had to fold and insert into each card. It was a lot of work. The system I use now does all that for me.

If you want to try it for free, click here to request a gift account. I’ll pay for the card and the stamp so you can try it and see what you think.

4. Mail packages with ease.

Mail packages early in December to avoid longer lines at the post office and ensure they will arrive in time.

Or, better yet, sign up with an online postage service and avoid the lines altogether. I have been using an online postage service for years, and it makes my package-sending SO much easier. You can mail large packages without standing in any lines -- as long as you have an accurate way to weigh them before you purchase the postage online.  Once you have added the correct postage, which you print onto a large label from your computer, you can drop the packages off at the loading dock of your local post office and avoid those long lines. You can also call the Post Office and arrange for them to pick your packages up during the next mail delivery.  Or you can take the packages in and put them in the extra large package bin that many post offices now have. The post office also has a way to weigh and print postage at the post office, but I have found that around the holidays there is usually a line for that, too, unless you go after hours.

Another thing I love about the card-sending service I mentioned before is that they have a gifting program. They will mail a gift or gift card for you, along with your personalized card. This makes it so easy to mail your gifts…again without leaving home for any of it!
 

5. Thoughtfully plan your gift-giving.

Give from the heart, not out of obligation. Decide whom you choose to give to and make a list. This will help you avoid overspending through impulse buying.

If you think back to the most cherished gifts you have received, they are often homemade or from the heart. A gift of time -- such as a gift certificate redeemable for an activity you can do together -- can be very meaningful. Among the most prized gifts I've ever received have been homemade cards with a heartfelt note written inside. Value goes far beyond the cost of the gift.

A great resource for homemade gift ideas is a book called The Perfect Mix. It contains creative edible gift ideas, including wrapping suggestions and tag instructions, along with a source guide for supplies. The book offers more than 90 recipes for soups, breads, muffins, cookies, and other gifts. The gifts I've made from this book have been very well received and appreciated.

Instead of exchanging gifts with friends, consider having a holiday or post-holiday party with them.

Avoid parking hassles, gridlock traffic around the malls, and long lines at the register by shopping online and through catalogs. A number of retail stores now offer merchandise online, as well.  If you are purchasing a gift that needs to be mailed, you can arrange to have it sent directly to the recipient, thus avoiding the extra steps of wrapping, labeling, and mailing the gift.

Wrapping gifts can take a lot of time. Instead of wrapping all of them, use a gift bag with a nice bow tied at the top, or use a decorated gift box.

I’ve found that, especially with teens and young adults who have lots of things on their wish list, but you have no idea what those things are, a gift card is really appreciated.

Consider giving an alternative gift to a friend or loved one by giving to a charity in their name. One of my favorite charities is Heifer Project International. Through living gifts of animals, HPI is helping families worldwide to become self-reliant. You can buy an animal that can change the life of a hungry family and at the same time honor family and friends. Visit Heifer Project International’s "gift catalog" at www.heifer.org and click on the GIVE link.  Of course, there are MANY other wonderful organizations that offer alternative giving opportunities.

6. Spread holiday cheer with those in need.

Volunteer to serve a holiday meal to the homeless, work in a soup kitchen, or work at a food bank.

Adopt a family for the holidays and provide them with gifts or holiday foods. Many churches and non-profit organizations can match you with a needy family.

Look for a Giving Tree in your local retail stores. The tree is filled with cards that list a specific gift desired by someone in need. You select a card off the tree, purchase the suggested gift listed on the card, and return the gift to the tree with the card attached. The store wraps the gift and delivers it to the intended recipient.

The end of the tax year is a great time to review your budget and consider a year-end gift to your favorite charities. This can represent a significant tax deduction if you itemize, while doing great things locally and globally.

7. Use your calendar to help organize your time to reflect your priorities.

Once you are clear about your intentions, calendar them in. Writing them down for follow-up on a specific date will help you to remember to do it and will keep things from falling to the last minute.  In other words, make appointments with yourself to follow through with specific tasks by a specific time.

Be sure to ask for help if you want it. Whether that includes volunteer help or hired help, ask for help and reduce that holiday stress. True friends and loved ones will not care how many hours you slaved over the stove. Spending time with you is what they'll cherish most. You don't have to be Martha Stewart to throw a great party!
 
As you prepare for the holidays, remember that the greatest gifts of all won't be found under the gift wrap. They'll be found in those special moments when you make a heart connection with those you care about. I’ll end with a story that will tug on your heart strings…

The Gift

Some time ago, a man punished his 3-year-old daughter for wasting a roll of gold wrapping paper.

As the story goes, money was tight for this young father. He became infuriated when his 3-year-old daughter wrapped a gift in expensive gold foil paper and placed it under the Christmas tree. Nevertheless, on Christmas morning the little girl brought the gift to her father and said, "This is for you, Daddy."

He was embarrassed by his earlier overreaction, but his anger flared again when he found the box was empty. He yelled at her, "Don't you know when you give someone a present, there's supposed to be something inside it?"

The little girl looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, "Oh, Daddy, it's not empty, I blew kisses into the box... all for you, Daddy. The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little girl, and he begged for her forgiveness.

An accident took the life of the child only a short time later and her father kept that gold box by his bed for many years. Whenever he was discouraged, he would take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love from the child who had put it there.

In a very real sense, each of us has been given a gold container filled with unconditional love and kisses from our children, friends, family, or God. There is no more precious possession anyone could hold.

During this holiday season, reach out to someone you love and tell them!  Click here to watch a touching short video about the power of doing so.

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