"“It’s never too late to be who you might have been.”
-George Eliot

One of the things I love about coaching people is that I get to witness some really amazing things happening in people’s lives when they make powerful shifts that enable them to get out of their own way.

About a year ago I did some coaching with a woman who was quite frustrated. Karen (not her real name) had her own business and she had done quite a bit to educate herself about what other successful people in her industry were doing. She was doing all the right things, and yet her business was not growing the way she wanted it to. With Karen's permission, I shared an observation I had made.  It seemed like she had a strong attachment to the outcome with each of her prospects. When that attachment is there, prospects usually feel pushed or manipulated in some way, and that repels most people…even if they really like what is being offered.

Although Karen insisted that she was NOT attached to the outcome when she shared her offerings with prospects, I could tell by the way she talked about them that she was really quite attached to getting their business. Funds had been tight for her and she had dipped into her retirement funds to stay afloat.  Karen desperately wanted her prospects to say yes to what she had to offer.

What’s wrong with being attached to the outcome?

The most successful business professionals I know keep their focus on “How can I serve others?” rather than on “What’s in it for me?” When someone is feeling desperate to do business with someone else – even if it does not seem obvious – the energy exchange between the prospective buyer and the seller is different when there’s an attachment to the outcome.

Fast forward a year later. My client has made some internal shifts that have enabled her to let go of her attachment to the outcome. Now she freely shares what she has to offer, and she is having the time of her life running her business, regardless of what her prospects decide to do. Karen has managed to make the shift from worrying about how to pay the bills, to being of service to those around her.  In making this shift, her sales have gone way up and her business has really taken off!

Although this example is related to someone in business, you can apply this philosophy to any situation, whether you are offering an idea to a family member, your skills and talents to a prospective employer, or a product/service to a customer.

One of my favorite books is "The Go-Giver" by Bob Burg and John David Mann. In the book, the authors share Five Laws of Stratospheric Success:

1. The Law of Value: Your true worth is determined by how much more you give in value than you take in payment.
2. The Law of Compensation: Your income is determined by how many people you serve and how well you serve them.
3. The Law of Influence: Your influence is determined by how abundantly you place other people’s interests first.
4. The Law of Authenticity: The most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself.
5. The Law of Reciprocity: The key to effective giving is to stay open to receiving.

Here are some questions to ask yourself, as related to these Laws:

1. How can you give away more value than you receive in payment?
2. How can you serve more people? How can you serve them better than you are now?
3. How can you place the interest of others above your own?
4. How can you more authentically show up? What gifts do you have to offer that you are not currently tapping into?
5. How can you make yourself more open to receiving what is already being offered?

If you are attached to the outcome, you may feel desperate to get the result you desire. That desperation will drive people away. It’s also hard to be creative when you’re feeling desperate, so it’s more difficult to think outside the box or to find ways to contribute your authentic talents and skills. When you are attached to a specific outcome, you may not be open to receiving a “gift” when it arrives in a different form than you were expecting. All five of the laws above are so powerful and they all relate to the topic of letting go.

Think of the last time you went shopping for a product or a service. Let’s say you went shopping for a car near the end of the month. The sales professional at one dealership asked you a lot questions about your needs and desires, espressing genuine interest in finding out how he could best serve you. After hearing you describe what you wanted, this professional suggested that you go down the street to a competitor, because their dealership did not have what you were looking for and the competitor down the street did. Contrast that with the sales professional at another car lot, who immediately started trying to “sell” you on why you needed to buy a car from them today…even mentioning that he would get a big bonus if he sold one more car before the month ended.

Which sales professional would you be most likely to trust and do business with or refer your friends to? The first sales professional might lose business that day, but think of the future business or referrals he will gain.  He has learned the power of employing the Laws of Stratospheric Success (see above).

Let’s say you’re trying to find a new job. It seems like no one is hiring in your field right now. During this period, you're likely to feel frustrated and discouraged. When you feel this way, it's common to do one of two things: get desperate and try harder (to no avail), or give up. This is also the time when self-doubt rears its ugly head. You might start doubting your credentials, skills and strategies you are using to search for work.

The biggest challenge during a dry spell is to be patient and maintain faith. Trust that all is happening as it should, even when the results are not happening in the timing or the way you choose. A friend of mine was planning a move to New York City in late August of 2001. Her plans fell through and she was very upset at the time, until a couple weeks later on September 11. When those planes hit the Twin Towers, she was very grateful that she had not made her way to the heart of Manhattan, where she would have been if all had gone according to HER plan.

You may need to “loosen the grip” or let go of the past. Perhaps you are using a strategy that does not work anymore, or you have fallen back into an old habit that is getting in your way. Perhaps you need to end an unsupportive relationship that has been holding you back from really going for your goals. It may be time to re-evaluate your situation and make some adjustments. A dry spell may simply be the wake-up call you needed to receive in order to redirect your energy and resources.

Ask yourself this question: What do I need to let go of in order to attract and welcome what I desire?

When you ask yourself this question, pay attention to the first thing that comes to mind. Listen to your responses with your heart, even if they don’t make any sense. Write down your answers and sit with them for a while before you decide what course of action you will take, if any. Sometimes a course of “action” may be more about how you are “being” than what you are “doing.” When you proceed, do so with patience and faith.

Dry spells are merely speed bumps on the road to a great life. Think of them as gifts, which is what they are if you slow down so you can deepen your learning and make necessary adjustments that can put you on course for the life you desire.

Finally, shift your mindset from “What’s in it for me?” to “How can I show up and serve others?” and you will be amazed at what happens in your life.

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