Love Yourself

"Love yourself first and everything falls into line."

-Lucille Ball

As we gear up to celebrate Valentine’s Day, let’s look at something that is important to everyone…self care. Do you treat yourself as well as you would treat a cherished friend or family member?

I will turn 50 in May, and my goal is to be in the best shape of my life at my half-century mark. I got really motivated by learning from my father what NOT to do; I do not intend to follow in his footsteps when it comes to self-care.

My father died on Valentine’s Day 28 years ago. He was 47 years old and he had a massive heart attack. Although some of it was due to genetic predisposition, my father ate frequent high-fat, high-cholesterol foods, did not exercise much, and lived with high stress in almost every area of his life.

A year ago I decided to get serious about taking better care of myself. I started working out with a personal trainer, scheduled daily cardio exercise, made major changes to my dietary habits, started getting more sleep, arranged for regular massages, blocked out more free days, and scheduled more vacation time away from home. (I just returned from a two week vacation in Australia and New Zealand.)

Over the past year I’ve lost 20 pounds and am in better shape than I was 30 years ago. People who had not seen me for a while have commented that I look at least ten years younger than I did the last time they saw me. In addition to this physical change, I made major investments of time and resources in personal development. I'm amazed at what consistent self-care can do!

Taking care of yourself is not just a good idea. It will also make you a better business owner, service professional, employee, parent, friend, volunteer, and partner. Your employer, clients, or customers expect that you will do whatever is necessary to be in good physical, mental, spiritual, and social order. I used to be afraid that taking more time for myself would mean that my business would suffer and I’d take a big financial hit, but that has not been my experience. While taking better care of myself in 2008, I earned more than in any of the previous 32 years of my working life. Practicing better self-care has helped me to work smarter rather than harder.

Take a moment to think about what you expect from other professionals who interact with you. Now imagine scheduling an appointment with someone – let’s say your primary care physician -- and having the following conversation:

PHYSICIAN: Good afternoon, how are you today?

PATIENT: I’m fine. How are you?

PHYSICIAN: I’m not doing very well at all. I was on call last night and I only slept a couple hours. I haven’t had time to exercise in ages, I didn’t have time for breakfast or a shower this morning, and I have the jitters from drinking so much coffee. I haven’t had a vacation in years and I’m stressed to the max with all of my dictations that I am behind on. I haven’t had the time to see my dentist in over a year, and I have this nagging toothache that started yesterday. My spouse just served me divorce papers, and I hardly know my kids anymore. I’ve been having back pain, but I just don’t have time to do those stretching and toning exercises. I haven’t been to any medical conferences this year and I can’t even find time to read those medical journals that have been stacking up. But if I don’t keep up with my CME requirements, I could lose my medical license. Now … what brings you in to see me today?

Although none of us could imagine a professional being so transparent, and this dialogue sounds really ridiculous, you may know someone who is like this (hopefully not your healthcare provider!). Some people push the limit, with little or no regard for themselves. I doubt you would consciously choose to work with a service professional, business owner or employee who was like that.

So….look in the mirror and be honest. Do you like what you see? How does your self-care affect your work or your relationship with yourself and others?

Especially during these tough economic times, it’s important that you put yourself at the top of your priority list. Imagine if you let yourself fall apart (like the physician mentioned above), how much less equipped you’d be to make it through challenging times.

If you are currently raising children, whatever you do, you model for them. Actions speak much louder than words!

"If you aren't good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time

loving anyone, since you'll resent the time and energy you

give another person that you aren't even giving to yourself."

-Barbara De Angelis

When practicing good self-care, here are five important areas to examine:

Work:

• How many hours a day are you working? (If you'd like more free time, check out my free teleclasses below and learn how to increase productivity.)
• Do you take breaks? How about lunch?
• Do you have the flexibility you need to accommodate other important areas of your life, such as family activities and your own hobbies? (You'll find more about this topic next month.)
• If you are currently unemployed or fearful of losing your job, now is a good time to consider making a change. Do you enjoy your work and find it fulfilling? Does your industry face an uncertain future? Evaluate if a career change makes sense. You may benefit from reading an article I wrote several years ago called Follow Your Heart: Finding Meaning in Your Work.

Health:

• Are you exercising regularly? Health professionals recommend that we walk 10,000 steps a day. Buy a pedometer and you can easily track how many steps you take daily. You can build regular exercise into your day by parking farther away, getting off the bus or train one or two stops before or after where you usually get off, or taking the stairs instead of the elevator.
• Are you eating three balanced meals a day, plus healthy snacks? Are you staying hydrated?
• Are you tanking up on too much caffeine or sugar instead of giving your body the sleep it needs to run optimally?
• Are you regularly taking free days – a 24-hour period that includes NO work (no checking voice mail, text messages or email, etc.)?
• When was the last time you took a real vacation (at least several days in a row) where you completely unplugged -- no business calls, no work-related email, etc.? Even if you cannot afford to travel, you can still plan some free or inexpensive things to do that will help you rejuvenate.

• What are you doing to be spiritually tuned?
• Do you have a spiritual practice such as meditation or prayer that helps you to quiet the mind, de-stress and let go of your worries?

• Are you nurturing the relationships that are most important to you?
• Have you let go of relationships that are not healthy for you to be in?
• Do you require others to honor boundaries that keep you physically and emotionally safe?
• Do you follow promptings to tell those you love how you feel about them?

Finances:

• Do you know exactly how much money you have, including gain or loss from investments, value of insurance or retirement accounts, etc?
• Do you know where your money goes? When you start keeping track, you may be surprised at how much you spend in certain areas. (For me, a big surprise was the cost of my daily mocha habit.) Once you have knowledge, you can make conscious and informed decisions about how you spend your money.
• Are you asleep at the wheel, or are you actively involved in keeping financially fit by leveraging your money and minimizing debt?

What you think affects how you feel. How you feel affects the choices you make. The choices you make affect the actions you take. The actions you take affect the outcomes you experience. All of this will shape your future.

One of the most powerful yet simple tools I know of is something called an “I AM” statement. These provide a glimpse into the future that you want to create. What’s important is that you write the statements as if what you desire has already come to fruition. Why? Because the brain creates vivid pictures of whatever you focus on. Let’s say that you weigh 160 pounds and you want to weigh 130. If you are focused on losing weight, you will see yourself at your present weight of 160 and your actions will align to keep you at that weight. If you are focused on living in a body that weighs 130 pounds, your behavior and activities will align to match supporting your body frame at the weight of 130.

Here’s an example:

• “I AM” Statement: I am a healthy, beautiful, toned, trim, and energetic woman. I love how I look and feel in my 130-pound body.
• Goal: I will weigh 130 pounds by June 30.

When you read these statements, how did you FEEL when you read the first one? How about the second one? I bet with the I AM statement it was easier to visualize the outcome. The goal is devoid of any feelings associated with achieving it.

Actions align with your thoughts and feelings. If you want your actions to change, you must begin by changing your thoughts, which will affect your feelings, choices, and actions.

Here’s a powerful exercise that will help you move forward in the direction you want to go. Write some I AM statements for yourself. Include statements for these areas:  work, health, spiritual, relationships, finances.  Add any others that are important to you. Once you have written down your I AM statements, put them in a Valentine and send them to yourself in the mail. Once the card arrives, read your I AM statements alound daily. I’ll even pay for the card and the postage. Visit www.sendoutcards.com/kathy and follow the instructions to create and send yourself a card.

While you’re at it, send a Valentine to someone you care about, and tell them what they mean to you.

Happy Valentine's Day! I hope you will begin now to end the legacy of deprivation that prevents many of us from getting our needs met. It's time to love yourself!