The Present

To say that this summer has been a challenging one would be an understatement. In April, my husband Doug's 57-year-old brother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. We thought we'd have at least six months with him, but his life came to an end on June 9--less than two months after his diagnosis. Doug's 87-year old mother has struggled with serious health challenges for the last five years. She peacefully passed away on August 8...just two months after losing her son.

My 92-year-old father-in-law has lost his son and his wife of 65 years; Doug has lost his only sibling and his mother; and our nephew and niece are struggling to deal with the loss of their father and grandmother...all within two months of each other. Although she was not my biological mother, she has been like a mother to me for 33 years. Her passing has jolted me even more than my own mother's passing did last year.

I am reminded about how precious life is and how vital it is that we live in the present, as tomorrow is not promised to any of us. I selected the Joan Rivers quote just one day before she had complications from surgery and was put into a medically-induced coma to protect her brain. Joan Rivers' quote above has even greater meaning for her at this moment. (At the time of publication for this article on 9/2/14, she is in serious condition.)

Although I am at peace knowing that Mom is in a much better place and is no longer struggling or suffering, I have felt a tremendous void as I realize that I will never be able to visit her. She was so positive and unconditionally loving, and I will miss her encouraging presence in my life.

I feel the intensity of Mom's spiritual presence with me now. I believe that when someone we love dies, we have an angel that we can call by name. Mom collected angels (both figuratively and in figurine form), and now she is one of my angels. This Saturday we will gather with family and friends traveling from near and far to celebrate Kaye Paauw's rich and full life. I've produced a video to help us celebrate her long and rich life.

During this tumultuous time of dealing with two losses, planning memorial services, supporting grieving family members, and handling end-of-life and estate issues, I have departed from my "business as usual" schedule. I am so grateful that I have the flexibility to create space in my life to handle what has been given to me and to be fully present for my family.

As I've taken time away from my work, I also remember a time when I did the opposite. When I first started my business, I made a conscious choice to be out of balance by taking on a top-heavy workload to get things going. Because I made that choice, I created a business foundation that enabled me to build a strong organization in my company, and I now get paid monthly for what I started years ago. Had I not worked hard to build that foundation, I may not have created the flexibility I am so blessed to enjoy now, which enables me to spend time with my family without sacrificing income.

Everywhere we go, there's talk about the importance of creating "life balance." I have come to realize that most of us are seldom living a balanced life...AND that's okay!

You may be surprised to hear a life coach say that it is okay to live out of balance. Well, yes and no. Let me explain...

Celine Dion often sings about the power of love. On August 13, she announced that she is postponing all of her show business activities indefinitely so she can care for her ailing 72-year-old husband. She intends to devote every ounce of her energy to her husband's healing and to their three children. She has cancelled her upcoming tour of Asia and her shows at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas. I admire her for choosing to tilt the balance scale toward her personal life and put her career on hold. She had times earlier in her career when she chose to tilt the scale the other way to build the successful performance career that she has enjoyed for years.

We all have times in our lives when something important is laid before us. The key is to be clear about your goals and intentions so you can make good decisions--based on your priorities--when situations or opportunities arise. There are seasons in your life when you may choose to devote more time and energy to one part of your life, knowing that it will throw other things off balance.

The key is that you choose to do this. In other words, it's not a "should" or "have to" situation. While you are checking your self-talk, consider what would happen in your life if you stopped using the word "can't." Watch this short inspiring video.

In the midst of making decisions, there is one area of our lives that I believe must be a priority, and that's self-care. If we are not physically, emotionally and spiritually healthy, we will ultimately not be available to serve others or honor our own priorities. If that part of your life is off balance for long, you may be in grave danger.

Robin Williams was a comic virtuoso who could make everyone happy but himself. He had a history of cocaine and alcohol addiction, as well as depression. He brought joy and light to millions of people, but struggled with darkness himself. He had recently been diagnosed with Parkinson's disease–a neurodegenerative disorder that affects movement, speech, and cognition. For an entertainer whose agile body and quick wit were at the core of his comic genius, the prospect of losing both may have been more than he could handle, and he took his own life on August 11.

Suicide rates for men are four times higher than for women, with the highest incidences taking place with men between the ages of 45 and 64. In our world today, men are less likely to ask for help or share their pain, loneliness, and feelings of hopelessness with others. This puts them more gravely at risk for addiction, suicide, and committing violent crime than any other demographic.

And we don't talk much about it!

Perhaps one gift the world received when Robin Williams left us is that we will begin to have more honest conversations about the critical topic of mental health...for men, women and children.

I am also a huge advocate for eating a healthy diet, getting adequate exercise and rest, managing stress, and honoring meaningful spiritual practices. This is not something that any of us have the luxury of putting on the back burner and tending to "when there's more time." Yes, we may be out of balance in various areas of our lives, but health is not something to gamble with or put on hold. You only get one body and one mind. You are worth caring for!

What will you do, starting today, to honor your physical, mental and spiritual health?

"Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone;
and do not be troubled about the future, for it has yet to come.
Live in the present, and make it so beautiful
that it will be worth remembering."
--Ida Scott Taylor