Truth or Fiction?

"The stories of your mind
become the stories of your life."
-Kody Bateman

April 1--also known as April Fool's Day--is a day when some people make up stories and see how long they can convince others that they are telling the truth.  We play along with these fictitious scenarios until we eventually realize that we've been part of a prank. The more elaborate the prank, the more silly we feel when we find out we've been had!

I am fascinated by how easy it is for us to make up stories in our minds.  For example, if you smile at someone and he scowls back at you, what are you thinking?  You might be asking yourself, "What did I do to make him so upset with me?"  The reality is, he may be scowling for a reason that has absolutely nothing to do with you.  Perhaps his back hurts, or he just got some news that made him feel angry, hurt or disappointed. You've just made up a story in your mind about why he is scowling.

Austraian neurologist and psychiatrist, Viktor Frankl, was a Holocaust survivor who was imprisoned for three years by the Nazis in several concentration camps during World War II.  Frankl used visualization to help him cope with his horrific circumstances. He created a positive vision of the present and future by telling himself stories that enabled him to endure extreme pain and suffering so he could survive.

If you are going to make up a story, why not make it a positive and uplifting one!

We're all script writers and mini-projectors, assigning meaning to the behaviors and expressions of people we come in contact with throughout the day.  The world we see gets projected onto a giant movie screen that reflects back to us the story we have created in our own mind.

We make assumptions and fabricate stories about what someone else is thinking and feeling.  We assign motive to other people's behavior and actions. We weave together a narrative of conversations, feelings and beliefs that seem very real to us, but the reality is that it is all a figment of our imagination.  We react according to the stories in our mind, forgetting that we were the author of that story.

I spent much of my youth fabricating stories about what I believed other people thought of me. This created a great deal of heartache and angst, and it had a huge effect on the way that I interacted with my peers. Looking back on those days, I know that if I had either checked out my assumptions and found out the truth, or I had scripted more positive stories, my childhood experience would have been much more enjoyable.

At this juncture in my life, I'm interested in relationships that are based on reality rather than fiction.  When I catch myself making up stories about what someone else is thinking and feeling, I've learned to simply ask rather than assume I know what's going on.

Assumptions cause needless suffering and pain.  The stories many people make up are negative and disempowering.  Perhaps you'll see a little of yourself in some of these common assumptions:

• A friend consistently runs late when you meet. You tell yourself that he is disrespectful and doesn't value your time. 
• Two people across the room are staring at you while they are whispering.  You think they are talking about you, and what they're saying is not very flattering.
• Your kids don't do their chores and the house is a mess. You are convinced that your kids take you for granted and don't care about your needs.
• Your spouse is in a grumpy mood and you are wondering what you did to deserve this behavior.

I've also come to realize that what other people think of me is none of my business.  What I think of me is my business.  Imagine a world where each of us focused our time, thoughts and energy on self-improvement, rather than on judging others or wondering how they might judge us!

I invite you to begin a daily practice of three things:

1. Thoughts: When you catch yourself making assumptions or assigning motive to someone else's behavior, mood or actions, ask a clarifying question rather than assuming that you know what's going on. Do your best to release the stories and assumptions that others place on you.
   
   
2. Visualization: Visualize what you choose to attract into your life. The pictures you create in your mind can be so much more amazing than anyone could ever put on the silver screen. Don't underestimate the power of your visioning capacity!
   
   
3. Action: Express gratitude daily. When you focus on what you are grateful for, it's hard to be focused on the "stories" that can pull you down.